Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
