Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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