i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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