dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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