youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
