My Higher Power is John Stamos
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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