dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
