I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
