When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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