And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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