I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
