When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
