She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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