toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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