chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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