Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
