Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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