checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
