Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
