My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
