am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry about my life...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
