life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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