First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
