you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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