I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
