ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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