They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
