Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
