One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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