ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
