I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i drank out of a bidet.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
