i think my tv is drunk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
