When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
