the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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