my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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