Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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