You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
