who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
