five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
