my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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