WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
