feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
