ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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