Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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