i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
