why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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