toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
