Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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