I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
