she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
