I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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